


anyone in between is the enemy

by attolians (annber)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: (on a bad call), Angst, BDSM Scene, BRIEF implied M/M/M, Collars, Dom/sub Undertones, Implied Child Death, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Questionable BDSM Etiquette, Safeword Use, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22751014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annber/pseuds/attolians
Summary: buck starts acting differently and eddie has some questions - then he has some concerns
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/OMC
Comments: 9
Kudos: 192





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got a request for possessive!eddie and then just sort of fell onto my keyboard multiple times
> 
> also the FC for the OMC is [ here ](https://www.fordmodels.com/city/chicago/talent/3597) if you'd like to get a better picture

It started with little things.

Buck began wearing his long sleeve work shirts. The sleeves were rolled up to the elbows – but soon enough it seemed like he was wearing them every day.

He started carrying himself differently. Slower, more lax.

Then…they met _him_.

He was shorter than Buck, which Eddie supposed wasn’t surprising, but he was broader in a way that Buck was not. As soon as he entered the station he seemed to have a commanding presence.

It didn’t help that Buck jogged down the stairs, obviously eager to see the other man.

“Thanks,” Buck said, “you’re a lifesaver, Gabe.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t been so scatterbrained this morning you’d have remembered it,” Gabe responded.

Eddie wasn’t trying to eavesdrop – he wasn’t. He just happened to glance around the front of the firetruck to see Gabe and Buck standing close together.

Gabe offered what looked like Buck’s phone.

Eddie couldn’t help but narrow his eyes.

The other man’s jaw was nearly level with Buck’s shoulder. He was wearing dark jeans and a green knit sweater with the sleeves bunched at his elbows. Eddie could see a dark swirling tattoo covering his forearm and even dipping onto his hand. The sun pulled red out of his brown hair and beard.

Buck looked…bashful.

Eddie realized in exactly one second that he _hated_ seeing the expression on his partner’s face.

“Get back to work,” Gabe ordered. “Go save lives and all that.”

Buck blushed lightly but nodded.

“I’ll see you later.”

“You will,” Gabe promised.

Buck headed for the locker room, Eddie assumed to stash his phone, and Eddie was left right where he was standing when he saw them together – gritting his teeth.

Buck didn’t explain – so Eddie didn’t ask.

If Buck wasn’t 100% straight…if this Gabe character was his boyfriend; Eddie didn’t have a right to that information.

Even if Buck had been interested in Eddie, Eddie could see perfectly well why he didn’t make a move.

That didn’t make it sting much less though.

Things at work didn’t change.

Weeks turned into months and Buck’s behavior didn’t alter again.

But then…Wednesday happened.

…

It wasn’t like Eddie was trying to catch Buck off guard or undressed. But when he walks into the locker room and Buck yelps, quickly spinning so that his back is to the lockers as he pulls his t-shirt the rest of the way on…it makes Eddie pause.

“Uh,” Eddie manages, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Buck says, clearing his throat and smiling brightly.

He busies himself tucking his shirt into pants and straightening his belt.

“Are you sure?”

“Totally.”

“You’re not hiding anything?” Eddie checks.

“N-No.”

But the way Buck says it sounds like a question.

“Are you sure?” Eddie asks again. “No street fights in your spare time?”

“Hey,” Buck protests, crossing to Eddie. “That’s not funny.”

Eddie holds up both hands in a classic non-threatening gesture.

“Alright.”

Eddie bides his time, his heart pumping steadily in his throat.

When Buck moves to pass him, Eddie shoots his hand out.

He grabs the back of Buck’s shirt and yanks it up, horrified at the pink welts he sees across Buck’s lower back.

“Eddie!” Buck squeaks, jerking away and pulling his shirt down with both hands.

“Evan…” Eddie says, his throat suddenly dry, “what happened?”

“Nothing!” Buck protests. “I… I’m fine.”

“Please, talk to me,” Eddie says, stepping closer.

He nearly flinches when Buck steps sharply back.

“What is going on?”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“You are clearly not fine, Buck. If…if Gabe is hurting you – you can talk to me, you know?”

Buck ducks his chin, tidying his shirt again.

“This is personal,” he huffs. “If I need you, you’ll know it, okay? I’m not…in an abusive relationship. Jesus, Eddie. I would never put myself or Maddie through that.”

“But your back…”

“Is fine,” Buck finishes firmly. “I can work. I’m fine.”

…

All shift Eddie debates what he’s supposed to do about this.

Buck is his best friend and he’s worried about him. But Buck himself told Eddie to leave it.

It wasn’t like Buck was naïve to abusive relationships. He knew what his sister had gone through.

So…

Eddie should leave it alone, right?

What if he mentioned something in passing to Bobby? Would that be a douche move?

Eddie tries to watch Buck covertly.

For what his back looks like he doesn’t appear to be in pain. He gets into his turnout gear just fine; doesn’t even sit down gingerly when he gets the chance.

Eddie should definitely leave it alone.

He’s going to leave it alone.

Seven hours later – he does not leave it alone.

Knowing that he’s crossing all sorts of lines, Eddie goes over to Buck’s and lets himself in with his key.

He knew if he texted or called Buck wouldn’t want to talk to him. A surprise attack was the only way.

Sure, Buck had said he was fine at the station and it _looked_ like he was.

But Eddie couldn’t sleep.

He needed to know that Buck was indeed okay and he wasn’t just saying that for fear someone would overhear something he considered private.

In fact, Buck had already told him it _was_ private.

So, he’d gotten a sitter for Chris and made his way over.

But now, Eddie has to freeze just inside the door because he hears the unmistakable sound of a moan.

 _Shit, shit, shit_.

 _This is why you don’t surprise people, Edmundo,_ he chides himself.

How loudly had he closed the door? What were his chances of making it back out silently?

“Please…”

That is definitely Buck.

Eddie has definitely fucked up, and he definitely needs to leave.

There’s a murmur Eddie can’t make out – which must be Gabe.

Buck moans again and then clearly says,

“No.”

Eddie tenses. He just needs… He just needs to know Buck’s okay.

But the next thing he hears has him shooting into motion as quickly as if he was on a call – because while he can’t exactly identify whether it’s a punch or a slap he knows down to his bones that Gabe is hitting Buck.

Gabe is on top of Buck on the couch, straddling him.

The way Buck’s shoulders are bunched up his hands must be bound behind him.

Gabe slaps Buck’s face again and Eddie jerks to a stop, sneakers squealing against the floor as he nearly collides with the staircase.

“Get the _fuck_ off of him,” he snarls, changing his path and quickly advancing.

Unsurprisingly, Gabe does, standing and squaring his shoulders as he looks to Eddie.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he starts.

But they’re both distracted by the way Buck starts desperately chanting,

“Red, red, _red._ ”

Gabe crouches down in front of him, Eddie forgotten. He tilts Buck’s jaw up to make Buck look into his eyes.

“Breathe,” he says. “I’ve got you.”

Buck nods before slamming his eyes closed and hunching his shoulders forward.

Gabe reaches around his back, untying his wrists and coming away with a scrap of red silk. 

“What do you need?”

“Please make him leave,” Buck whispers.

For an insane split second, Eddie thinks Buck is talking to him.

“I’ve got you,” Gabe says again.

He pushes to his feet and draws the afghan off the back of Buck’s couch, draping it around his shoulders. Then, he advances on Eddie.

Eddie’s completely flummoxed, unable to even untangle his tongue from his teeth.

Gabe doesn’t give him another second.

He slaps his open hand against Eddie’s chest, forcefully shoving him back almost half a foot.

 _Jesus,_ Eddie manages to think.

He almost squares his shoulders and lifts his fists but Gabe is already pressing in close enough to prevent it. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are a steely blue as he glares at Eddie.

“Get out of here,” he says, tone brooking no argument. “Right the fuck _now_. And don’t you _ever_ come back in here without warning Evan again.”

“I was-”

“I don’t care. He wants you gone. You go.”

It’s only then that Eddie can finally see the full picture.

Gabe’s white button down has several buttons open, exposing a fair bit of his hairy chest – and more than one darkening hickey.

This wasn’t an abusive relationship – at least Eddie didn’t think so anymore.

Buck _wanted_ to be hit.

Which Eddie had forced him to admit in the cruelest way.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie chokes out.

He turns, nearly stumbling over the edge of a rug.

His heart is hammering in his ears and his hands are shaking as he leaves.

Outside in the too warm night he bends at the waist, trying to get his head closer to his knees.

He feels sick with himself.

Buck had told him it was personal. He’d told him to leave it.

And Eddie did this.

More than anything Eddie wants to go right back in there and tell Buck he’s sorry and he loves him – that he would never judge him for what he needs.

But…it’s not his place to do that.

Buck wasn’t asking him to.

Now, Eddie was certain he never would.

He takes another deep breath before standing.

There’s been enough mistakes the past twenty four hours. He needs to get home to Christopher and give Buck the space he asked for.

…

Things are undoubtedly tense next shift with Buck – but they make it through.

Eddie lets Buck take the lead and even begins to hope that they’ll be able to work through this.

Hope sparks in his gut as Buck approaches him in the locker room, already changed into his jeans and white hoodie.

“Hey,” Eddie offers, half smiling.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Buck says immediately. “Hard line. We’re not discussing what happened.”

“O-Okay. I’m sorry, Buck. I never meant to-”

“Not talking about it,” Buck repeats.

His jaw tics.

“And I want my key back.”

Eddie blinks stupidly at him.

“What?”

Buck doesn’t repeat his request, but he does cross his arms over his chest.

“I…I don’t like the idea of not having access to you Buck. You’re still on blood thinners-”

“Well, right now you clearly have too much access to me.”

Eddie wants to argue. Everything in him is screaming against it.

He does _not_ have too much access to Buck. He could never have too much access to Buck.

But…this is what Buck wants.

Eddie sighs; then he nods.

“Okay.”

He unzips the side pocket of his duffle and grabs his small bundle of keys. It’s simple enough to separate the key from all the others and work it off the ring. In fact, it’s much harder to actually had the key to Buck.

“I’ll see you next shift,” Buck says, pocketing the key and walking away.

Eddie watches him go.

He can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever be able to fix this.

That’s being dramatic.

Buck is his best friend and partner.

They’ll get through this. Because Eddie is going to grovel until they do.

…

Days slowly trickle along…until it’s two weeks later and Buck is still hardly speaking to him.

Eddie knows it’s his fault. This is on him.

But, he misses his best friend. He misses having Buck over for movie nights with Christopher. He misses a slow shift passing faster with Buck cracking jokes by his side.

He needs to do something about this, but the last thing he wants is to hurt Buck even more.

Finally, Eddie decides the most non-invasive thing to do is text Buck.

**_> > hey, it’s been a while since we had movie night_ **

He checks his phone repeatedly for the next two hours before giving up. To keep himself sane he plugs his phone in in his bedroom and re-joins Christopher in the living room.

By the time he goes to bed, there’s a response from Buck.

Finally.

**_I wasn’t sure you would want to <<_ **

_What?_

Rather than texting back, Eddie calls.

“Hey,” Buck greets, soft and flat.

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you? You shouldn’t want to see me – for the record.”

“I know I’m weird,” Buck huffs. “You don’t have to pretend I’m not.”

“Having a boyfriend is weird? Buck, I’m bi.”

There’s a long pulse of silence.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Buck says finally.

Eddie wasn’t sure what that meant but…

“It’s not my business,” Eddie insists. “And I’m so, so sorry I forced you into telling me more than you wanted to. I would understand if you didn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

“I always want to be your friend.”

The words fill Eddie with warmth, even if they also send a dull pang through him.

“I get what you thought,” Buck adds. “It sucks but…I’m pretty sure your heart was in the right place.”

Eddie sighs.

“Part of me was worried…but I was jealous too.”

Buck laughs shortly.

“I’m always going to make time for you _and_ Christopher, you don’t have anything to be jealous over.”

Eddie should leave it at that. He really should.

But how can he fix things if he’s not being totally honest?

“It’s not that. Or, it’s not just that. I didn’t know you liked men. Maybe it’s only with him. Maybe it’s only when you’re…” Eddie drifts off before sighing again.

Sure, he’d googled. He has a rough idea of what Gabe and Buck might get up to. But he doesn’t need to remind Buck that he knows that.

“Anyway, I just – I just wanted to say if you do consider dating a man I’d appreciate a heads up.”

“I…uh…what?”

“It’s not about Gabe,” Eddie is quick to insist. “If he’s what you want then he’s what you want. And he can obviously take care of you, so that’s good.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry if I just crossed a whole bunch of new lines. I’m sorry for what I did…because I was jealous. I hope we can still be friends because you’re my best friend, Buck. My life isn’t the same without you.”

“We will always be friends, Eddie.”

Eddie’s shoulders slump in relief. 

“So, movie night soon?” he asks, skirting everything unsaid between them.

“Yeah,” Buck agrees. “This weekend?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie even manages half a smile when they hang up.

Maybe they can finally start moving on, now that everything is out in the open between them.

…

Eddie’s only six hours into his next shift when his name is called from the floor of the station. He makes his way over to the railing, looking down to see Gabe standing with Sam.

He can’t help but frown in confusion.

Buck isn’t here today – which he has to assume Gabe knows.

Still, Eddie makes his way down the stairs. He’s tempted to hide his hands in his pockets, just for something to do with them, but he also doesn’t want to show any sign of weakness.

He can appreciate that Gabe helps Buck, that Gabe is probably important to Buck; that doesn’t mean Eddie has to like him.

“Hey,” he greets. Then, unnecessarily, he says, “Buck’s off today.”

Sam walks away with half a nod, Gabe watches him get several feet away before he speaks.

“Did you have a few minutes to chat?” he asks.

The expression on his face is entirely too serious for a light chat and Eddie can’t help but stand a bit straighter under his gaze.

“Sure, as long as we don’t get a call.”

Gabe nods, he’d clearly expected that to be the case.

“Anywhere more private?” he asks then, casting a look around the huge open space.

“Uh…” Eddie glances around too. He doesn’t see many good options without telling Bobby he needs to have a private conversation with this man Bobby has probably (hopefully) not met. Sighing, Eddie crosses to the closest engine and pulls open the door.

The corner of Gabe’s mouth tics up but he doesn’t protest it. He hauls himself up with more grace than Eddie expected looking at him.

Only letting himself hesitate for half a second, Eddie follows him in.

Gabe doesn’t speak until the door is firmly shut behind both of them.

“If you’re not in this for the long haul, you need to stop messing with Evan’s head.”

_What?_

“Uh, what?” Eddie manages ineloquently.

“You don’t understand the power you have over him, clearly,” Gabe takes a breath to scoff to himself. “You can’t just casually mention to him that you’d like to date him and then take no action on it. He doesn’t know how to behave around you when you keep throwing these curveballs at him. I shouldn’t even be here talking to you but I’ll be damned if I have to keep putting him together after you break him apart. Do you understand me?”

“No,” Eddie admits without hesitation.

His face is flushed red with a mix of embarrassment and anger but he’s wholly lost in the conversation.

It’s as if Gabe’s words were each tidal waves and he didn’t have enough time to come up for air in between them. He felt upside down or maybe like his lungs were being tugged up his throat.

“Power over him? I don’t know what that means. I don’t mean to hurt him or confuse him – I’m confused! I thought he was dating _you_ but he said he wasn’t and I thought he was straight and then I guess he thought I was straight and-”

Eddie is forcefully cut off by Gabe leaning across the space between them to clap a hand over his mouth.

“Okay,” the other man says calmly. “Take a deep breath and let it out.”

He leans back again, dropping his hand into his lap.

Eddie obeys without much thought. His brain is still spinning but he gets the impression Gabe is here to help – hopefully he’s not wrong.

“You are a very important part of Evan’s life. He’s terrified of losing you but you keep pulling open closed doors and leaving him exposed. You don’t know you’re doing it,” Gabe adds, holding up a hand to quell Eddie saying anything, “and I can see that now. But if you want to really get into a relationship with Evan you need to mean it and you need to discuss with him what you both want out of the relationship. It’s not my place to truly say but I do not think Evan would be content long term with a completely vanilla relationship.”

Eddie has that feeling again – like he’s lost in the waves. But there’s one thought that is absolutely clear to him.

“He’s never going to lose me. Friend, boyfriend…” he drifts, gesturing to Gabe vaguely, “whatever – he’s never going to lose me.”

For the first time in the conversation, Gabe sits back enough to relax and rest his shoulders against the seat.

“Maybe the three of us can all talk together,” he suggests. “I know Evan won’t want to…but I think it’s for the best.”

Eddie nods, though he has the urge to grit his teeth over Gabe’s continued use of Buck’s first name. It’s like a beacon flashing above the waves he’s drowning in; this intimacy that Gabe shares with Buck.

“If he agrees, I’m in.”

“Halfway there then.”

Gabe holds his hand out and Eddie shakes it. Then, he opens the door and climbs out of the truck, turning to make sure Gabe makes it down alright.

“I’ll have Evan text you,” Gabe says.

There it is again; that itchy, gritty feeling.

Still, Eddie forces himself to nod and smile before turning to close the truck door again.

Gabe walks out, one hand in his pocket and whistling softly.

Eddie thinks maybe, _maybe_ if they’d met a different way he could have liked the guy.

True to Gabe’s word, by the end of his shift Eddie has a text from Buck.

**_hey, Gabe said he talked to you - can you come over when you get off? <<_ **

It was rapidly followed by -

**_if you’re not too tired? <<_ **

**_> > not too tired_ **

He’s not 100% sure he’s telling the truth but if Gabe has spent this entire time with Buck then Eddie feels like he can at least come over now.

Is that just him being competitive? Possessive?

Maybe.

Eddie changes quickly and makes his way out to his truck, barely shouting a goodbye over his shoulder.

…

Gabe answers when Eddie knocks which only serves to shoot disappointment straight down his spine.

“Hey,” he offers dully.

“I’m glad you came,” Gabe responds.

He steps back to let Eddie in and Eddie reminds himself to relax as he passes the shorter man.

Buck is on a stool at the kitchen island, his right leg already bouncing on the rung with visible nerves.

As much as Eddie wants to cross to him and hug him tightly – assure him that he would never judge him for this and that he wants to give Buck everything and anything he needs – he still needs to show he can respect Buck’s boundaries.

“Hey,” he says it much softer this time, wanting Buck to know he’s approaching.

Buck half turns, offering a wobbly smile.

“Hey.”

Eddie pauses beside the stools.

“Can I sit?”

Buck nods before reaching to scratch the back of his neck.

Eddie pulls the stool away from the island and Buck before climbing onto it.

“Okay,” Gabe says, joining them but remaining standing. “I think we should clear a few things up, yes? Evan,” he says, redirecting his gaze neatly, “you’ve told Eddie I’m not your boyfriend. Would you like to tell him what I am to you?”

Eddie knows it’s not a suggestion just as much as he knows Buck doesn’t need his protection. But it doesn’t stop him from wanting to wrap his arms around Buck and draw all the worry right out of him.

Buck takes a deep breath and even closes his eyes briefly before answering.

“Gabe is my Dom,” he says. “S-Sometimes I just need to stop thinking when I’m not at work. I need things to be simpler so when they’re not simple I can keep myself together until it’s safe again.”

That actually makes a good amount of sense Eddie thinks.

Their job is very high pressure. They have to make tough decisions almost every day. Sometimes those decisions cost someone their life.

He can’t help but think of the times he goes to pick Christopher up. He can just…turn off to an extent.

He knows how to take care of his son. He knows how to make him dinner, help him bathe, and tuck him into bed. He _knows_ what he’s doing.

Obviously it’s nowhere near the same.

Eddie doesn’t _really_ know what Buck means. But if this grounds him enough to help him keep doing what he loves…Eddie’s not sure what else matters.

“Okay,” he says, reminding himself Buck is waiting for him to say something. “That makes sense.”

“And,” Buck says, releasing his bottom lip from his teeth, “now that I’ve found this I need it. I’m not going to be able to stop.”

Eddie can’t help his immediate reaction, his shoulders slumping in disappointment.

“Okay,” he says again, mechanically. Then, he takes a deep breath. He forces aside his own feelings before continuing. “Buck – you’re my best friend. I would never want to take something away from you or make you feel like it’s not okay to need that.”

Buck smiles tremulously.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I know it’s a little,” interestingly, his eyes cut to Gabe and back, “um, odd. It’s not like you would want to just become my Dom. That would be crazy,” he finishes, laughing shallowly.

Eddie’s heart squeezes in his chest.

“Is that an option?”

Buck’s eyes widen and his lips drop open.

Eddie looks to Gabe, who’s just watching them with his chin cradled in his hand.

“Is that an option?” he repeats.

“I don’t see why you can’t try,” Gabe says. “Everyone has to learn.”

Eddie looks back to Buck. He can’t help but suddenly feel shy.

“I mean, obviously, you would have to be okay with it too. I don’t really know that I want to hurt you…? I don’t really know what you need.”

“There’s no need to rush into anything,” Gabe cuts in. “In fact, it’s very important that we _don’t_ rush this. This will involve many more conversations and several lessons if this is something that you both want to pursue.”

“Do you want to pursue it?” Buck asks softly, nearly a whisper.

The answer is on Eddie’s tongue so quickly he can’t identify where it actually came from. His brain? His heart?

“Yes.”

Buck smiles much wider this time and Eddie can’t help but lean forward. He thumbs over Buck’s cheek, uncaring that he’s mere inches from toppling his entire stool.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Buck answers, eyelids dropping as his cheeks flush beautifully. “Y-Yes.”

Not willing to take any risks, Eddie stands to get even closer. He holds Buck’s face tenderly in both hands. After he’s looked his fill at the way Buck is pouting just slightly; Eddie leans in to press his lips against Buck’s.

Gabe doesn’t speak until Eddie’s straightened again.

The sound of his voice doesn’t rankle against Eddie’s nerves – not with Buck’s hands hot and reassuring on his waist.

“Asking for consent from your sub is a very important step and should always be the first one.”

When Eddie meets his eyes, he’s surprised again by the other man.

Gabe is looking at him as if he recognizes something in Eddie – maybe something even Eddie didn’t know was there.

But soon enough Eddie’s brain is skipping back to the words _your sub_. He thinks them over and over again as something warm coils in his chest and settles in.

…

It didn’t take Eddie long to figure out that his favorite part of any scene was the aftercare.

After the first two scenes they’d done, Gabe let him know he was confident leaving Buck in Eddie’s hands for that part.

Maybe that was one of the reasons it was his favorite.

But Eddie thinks it has more to do with the way Buck lies completely boneless in bed with a half-smile gracing his face.

Eddie can cuddle him for as long as he likes because Buck usually goes right to sleep after orgasm.

It’s a pretty adorable trait. At least, Eddie thinks so.

He can’t help but look forward to the future as he holds onto Buck. When they won’t need Gabe at all – when Eddie can trust himself enough to take care of Buck.

Gabe has been great, Eddie’s jealousy aside, he always has Buck’s safety first and foremost and he makes sure Eddie does too. He showed Eddie that nonverbal clues could be far more important than verbal cues. Not only how red Buck gets; but making sure to monitor his breathing and even pulse if necessary. Stopping a scene to check Buck’s pulse probably wasn’t the sexiest thing in the world but Eddie thinks he’ll get better at sneaking it in if he needs to.

The thing is, it’s not always about sex. It’s not even always about pain. It’s about taking care of Buck. It’s about pushing him _just_ enough.

Eddie finds walking that line thrilling. It makes him feel strong and confident to be able to do that for Buck.

The truth is…he loves Buck.

Eddie thinks he’d go to the very end of the world for Buck. This is probably more enjoyable though.

Buck wakes some time later, stretching carefully before blinking slowly up at Eddie.

“Hi,” he says. “Sorry for knocking out again.” A soft smile accompanies the words and Eddie returns it readily.

“You don’t have to apologize,” he reminds him, scratching his fingers gently through Buck’s hair.

Buck’s mouth trembles and suddenly his eyes shut tightly, squeezing out tears.

Eddie sits up sharply as Buck pulls away.

“Hey, hey,” he tries, “what’s wrong? Do I need to call Gabe?”

Buck shakes his head immediately but covers his face with both hands.

“I’m fine,” he says, scrubbing at his eyes.

“It doesn’t look like you are,” Eddie challenges.

“I _am_ ,” Buck insists. He laughs wetly. “I just…can’t believe that you’re here. That you’re really doing this.”

Eddie’s brow wrinkles in confusion and he reaches out to slowly draw Buck’s hands away so he can look into his eyes.

“Of course I’m here, there’s nowhere else I would rather be.”

“I love you,” Buck tells him, holding tightly to Eddie’s hands. “I know it’s too soon to say it, but I love you, Eds.”

Buck’s eyes are so open and honest he can hardly stand to look into them. It makes Eddie shake his head before drawing Buck into a half hug.

“It’s not too soon. I love you too, Buck.”

Buck laughs again before pressing his wet face into the crook of Eddie’s shoulder and neck.

“I know we have to do this the right way. Safely. But, I can’t wait until you’re all mine.”

“’M already all yours,” Buck mumbles into his skin.

Eddie closes his eyes in something that feels a lot like relief.

“Stop stealing all the romantic lines.” He pinches Buck under the arm to emphasize the point. 

“Oh no,” Buck pulls away to smirk, “I wouldn’t want you to punish me, Eddie.”

Eddie wags a finger at him, nearly laughing.

“Don’t lie either.”

…


	2. baby, you've got me tied down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quick follow up bc I wanted a collar in the fic dang it

Eddie sighs.

He taps the corner of his phone against his forehead in agitation.

As much as he wants to just send off a text he knows he at least owes Buck a phone call.

_Damn it_.

Not only did they have plans tonight they had very specific plans – which Eddie now has to take a rain check on.

He didn’t have really have a choice in the matter.

Sarah’s daughter is in the hospital with either a broken leg or arm and she just needs a few hours for her kid.

Eddie knows what that’s like.

As long as he grabs a nap he’ll be good to go for a while.

But first, he needs to let Buck know he won’t make it tonight.

Procrastinating isn’t doing him any good though. Sighing again, he unlocks his phone and calls Buck.

“Hey,” Buck says, half breathless with excitement.

“Hey,” Eddie manages.

“What’s wrong?” Buck asks immediately.

“I’m covering Sarah for a couple hours,” Eddie says, yanking off the band-aid.

“Oh,” Buck says after a pause. “Uh, okay. I’ll text Gabe then.”

Biting the inside of his cheek to keep from sighing, Eddie forces himself to respond.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t?” Buck asks, cautiously hopeful.

“No,” Eddie says. “I trust you and I’ll be home when I can.”

There’s a heavy pause and Eddie wants to pull the words back in and tell Buck that _no_ he absolutely _cannot_ run a scene with Gabe without him there.

But…Buck’s been looking forward to this. It’s not very often that all three of their schedules and getting someone to watch Christopher line up.

Not to mention it’s Eddie’s fault that Buck isn’t still running scenes with Gabe whenever he wants them.

_No,_ he reminds himself. _It’s your job to take care of Buck_. _He needs this_.

“I’ll be thinking about you the entire time.”

Against his will, Eddie’s lips quirk in a small smile.

“You’d better, Buckaroo.”

It’s still not easy to hang up and put his phone in his locker – but it’s easier after hearing Buck’s earnest confession.

_Damn_ , Eddie can’t help but think.

_I’m so in love with him_.

…

Thanks to a text from Gabe, Eddie knows Buck is fast asleep in bed. He hadn’t left the aftercare to Eddie this time – which only made sense.

Still, Eddie is looking forward to make sure his sub is 100% taken care of as soon as he gets to Buck’s.

He enters quietly but can’t help rushing to drop his bag by the stairs before hurrying up them.

True to Eddie’s expectations, the only light on upstairs is the lamp by the bed. It casts Buck in a soft yellow glow.

Even though Eddie is still jealous; he knows he made the right call.

He sits on the end of the bed to unlace his boots, fully intending to crawl into bed with Buck once they’re off.

Except Buck wakes before he’s gotten the first boot off his heel.

He stretches out on the bed before squeaking and sitting up sharply.

“Are you okay?” Eddie turns to ask. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“Uhm, no I’m fine,” Buck says.

His hands are fluttering rather desperately at his neck and he comes away with a dark strip before all but jumping out of bed and keeping it hidden behind his hip.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing,” Buck says quickly. “I’m gonna shower.”

He disappears down the stairs, taking whatever it is with him.

By the time Buck reappears in nothing but a towel, Eddie thinks he’s got it mostly figured out.

He doubts Gabe would have tied anything around Buck’s neck. Or, even if he did, he wouldn’t have left it there after the scene. That seemed like it could go wrong in too many ways.

It was most likely a collar.

But that didn’t tell Eddie why Buck was hiding it from him.

Or why Gabe knew about it and he wasn’t allowed to.

Eddie pats the space next to him, softening as Buck crawls into bed next to him.

“How was it?”

“Good,” Buck says, his cheeks flushing. He stops halfway up the bed, laying his cheek on Eddie’s thigh instead of a pillow. “I missed you though.”

“I missed you, too,” Eddie says, one hand working it’s way into Buck’s damp curls.

Buck sighs.

“Are you gonna ask me about it?”

“Do you want me to?”

“No,” Buck tells him.

Then he sighs again.

Eddie scratches gently at Buck’s scalp before withdrawing his hand.

“Come on,” he says, “sit up. Let’s talk.”

Buck crawls the rest of the way up the bed. He leans against the wall and looks over at Eddie.

“Was it a collar?”

Buck flushes all the way down his throat and onto the top of his chest.

He looks beautiful even now.

“Yeah.”

“Why are you hiding it?”

“A sub isn’t supposed to collar themselves.”

_Oh_.

Eddie has to force himself to stay in the present instead of thinking all sorts of things about what he’d like to do with a collar and his sub.

That’s for later.

“Collaring is a pretty big deal.”

“It can be,” Buck hedges. “I just…can’t help but think that eventually all of this is gonna hit a point where you’re just going to say ‘okay, this is too weird – I’m out’ and that’s what I’m terrified of.”

“First off, if there’s something I don’t like we’re going to discuss it. Secondly, you in a collar sounds impressively hot. Third – you know I love you, Buck. And fourth, I really want to know if it’s too soon for me to get you a collar.”

Buck groans, leaning closer and biting Eddie’s bare shoulder.

“You can’t just _say_ that like it’s not the hottest thing I’ve ever heard. Fuck you.”

“Do we shop together? Do I surprise you? Is it as serious as an engagement ring?”

Buck sits up again, his eyes narrowed and intent enough to level Eddie.

“What if I say it’s as serious as an engagement ring? What would you say?”

“I would say we’d better shop together.”

Buck smirks before slapping at Eddie’s shoulder.

“I don’t think we’re ready for that stage, Edmundo. But, no, I don’t think it’s that serious unless we both agree it is.”

Eddie watches Buck for a moment, reaching out to trace a finger across his clavicle.

“So, just to be clear, you’re not opposed to the idea of me getting you a collar?”

“I’m definitely not opposed,” Buck agrees, clearing his throat. “What, um, what color…were you thinking?”

“I think we should shop together,” Eddie says.

He wraps his arm around Buck’s shoulders and tugs him closer.

“I want us both to love it…and I only want you to wear it for _me_.”

Buck doesn’t respond out loud but he doesn’t have to. He shudders in his Dom’s grasp and the silent tell is all Eddie needs. 

He knows down to his toes he made the right call again.

Eddie might just be getting the hang of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank youuuuu for reading Ily ♥


	3. the pedal's down

Eddie wakes up to a notification of a text from Gabe.

As he hasn’t had coffee yet, he decides quickly he doesn’t have to be mature yet.

He gets up, showers, and wakes Christopher. Then, he makes his way into the kitchen and starts coffee brewing.

He’s barely got enough time to drop Christopher at school before he needs to be at the station and he just doesn’t have the patience he needs to see what Gabe wants.

It’s not that Eddie isn’t grateful. He is.

Not only has Gabe made it safe for Eddie to take over as Buck’s Dom – he also stepped aside without a single issue…romantically at least.

Maybe there had never been anything romantic between Gabe and Buck but either way, Gabe had been very patient and reassuring with Eddie.

Still… Eddie can’t help but be impatient to get the other man out of his life.

“Mijo,” Eddie calls, “what do you want for breakfast?”

“Cocoa Puffs!”

Eddie doesn’t protest but makes a mental note to pack Christopher a healthy granola bar for snack time rather than anything with more chocolate.

Satisfied with his plan, he pours two bowls of Cocoa Puffs.

Eddie makes it all the way to the station with the text message still unread in his phone.

He knows it’s childish and he should just check it but part of him enjoys making Gabe wait. Rather than opening it, he grabs his bag and heads into the station.

It’s not until Eddie changes and settles on a bench in the locker room that he finally opens the message.

**_> > Can we schedule lunch? _ **

**_sure – 1 tomorrow? <<_ **

As soon as the reply is sent Eddie tucks his phone in his locker and heads out into the station.

Whatever reason Gabe wants to meet for lunch…he’ll just have to wait to find out.

…

They meet at a casual place for lunch. It helps soothe the few nerves Eddie has.

Gabe is the sort of man who’s always put together. He dresses nice, he knows about wine – shit like that.

It’s not that Eddie thinks Gabe is a better man than him. It’s just…sort of unsettling.

Still, when Eddie sees that Gabe is already there he forces himself to smile and nod before joining the other man.

“Hey, glad you could make it,” Gabe says.

Eddie pulls out the tall chair and climbs onto it.

“No problem. What’s up?”

Gabe half smiles.

Thankfully, he doesn’t keep Eddie waiting long.

“I think you’re ready to fly solo, Eddie.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Gabe confirms. “Just remember to keep doing what you’re doing. Keep learning. Keep taking care of Buck. Always make sure that the two of you communicate – you know the rules.”

Eddie tries to stop smiling, but only for a moment.

It’s like passing a test he forgot he was taking.

“That’s great, thank you.”

He drums his fingers on his thighs.

“Uh, if you don’t mind-”

A waiter arrives to drop off a salad with what looks like grilled chicken in front of Gabe.

“You have somewhere you’d rather be?” Gabe prompts.

Eddie’s cheeks flush but he nods.

“I don’t mind,” Gabe says. “If you have any questions in the future you have my number.”

Eddie climbs back off the chair and pushes it in.

“Thank you, really.”

Gabe is already cutting his chicken so Eddie doesn’t reach out to shake his hand but he nods again.

“Happy to help.”

Eddie texts Buck as he makes his way back out of the restaurant.

**_still at yours? <<_ **

By the time he climbs into his truck, he’s got an answer.

**_> > yeah – y gabe stand u up? _ **

**_something like that <<_ **

**_stay put <<_ **

…

Eddie lets himself in to Buck’s loft.

They don’t have much time because he really needs to get some sleep before getting home to relieve Carla but Eddie’s hoping he can nap at Buck’s.

“Hey,” Buck greets, walking to meet him.

He’s dressed casually in a t-shirt with the sides cut out and sweatpants.

Eddie wants to get him naked as soon as possible.

“So,” Eddie says, stepping right into Buck’s space before continuing, “Gabe says I’m ready to take the training wheels off.”

Buck’s face lights up.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. We only have like twenty minutes before I crash but…”

“You feel like celebrating?”

Eddie takes Buck’s hands and starts tugging him toward the couch.

“Yes, yes, I do.”

Eddie pushes Buck down onto the couch before dropping to his knees. He settles back, sitting on his calves.

“I’m definitely not opposed,” Buck grins.

“This isn’t a scene – I just really want to suck your dick.”

“Well, my answer remains completely unchanged.”

Leaning forward again, Eddie hooks his fingers in the band of Buck’s sweatpants and tugs them down.

Buck lifts up to help.

“Take your shirt off.”

“Sir, yes, sir.”

During a scene that would earn him a smack but now, Eddie just grins at his boyfriend’s cheeky attitude. Then he leans forward and puts the head of Buck’s dick in his mouth.

Buck’s not completely hard yet but Eddie doesn’t mind.

He wraps a hand around Buck and strokes up slowly, sucking harder. He draws back to press a kiss to the head before licking the underside and opening his mouth further to take more of Buck’s dick in.

Buck groans above him.

The sound has Eddie leaning closer, his shoulders firmly wedging between Buck’s knees. He can’t deepthroat Buck so he keeps using his hand to smear spit down and get Buck wet.

In any case, Buck’s not complaining.

“This is gonna end embarrassingly fast,” Buck gasps out. “I wasn’t exactly prepared for a midafternoon blow- oh my _god_.”

Eddie draws back, dragging in a breath before smirking up at Buck and stroking him even faster.

“That’s fine…I’ll make you wait next time.”

There’s something about Buck. Maybe it’s the noises he makes – maybe it’s just the fact that Eddie’s addicted to making him happy. Either way, all Eddie wants to do is get as much of Buck’s dick into his mouth as he can.

He doesn’t care that his jaw hurts or that it makes it harder to breathe. He doesn’t even care when he has to pull off to cough. Buck gently runs his fingers through Eddie’s hair whenever it happens and that’s sort of addictive too.

Eddie draws back, making sure it doesn’t happen now. He runs his tongue over Buck’s slit.

Buck’s thighs tremble and Eddie hums, only half in anticipation.

“Eddie – god!”

Buck curls in on himself as he starts coming but Eddie doesn’t draw back.

If anything, he revels in the feeling of Buck around him.

Eddie doesn’t let Buck’s dick slip from his mouth until Buck sags back into the couch.

He uses the hem of his shirt to wipe his mouth.

“You good?”

“Amazing,” Buck answers. “You?”

He makes a half hearted attempt at reaching down for Eddie’s crotch.

Eddie laughs, catching Buck’s hand and pressing a kiss to his palm.

“I really want a nap. You up for one?”

“Oh, shit,” Buck says, sitting up again and blinking rapidly. “You haven’t even slept since last shift, have you?”

“I grabbed like two hours before I got off.”

“Just say no, Edmundo,” Buck sighs. He softens after another moment, smiling. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

He doesn’t bother gathering any of his clothes. Instead, he nudges Eddie back before standing. Then he offers Eddie both his hands, tugging Eddie to his feet.

He herds Eddie toward the stairs, stripping him out of his shirt as they go.

“I need to be home by six,” Eddie mumbles. “We should set an alarm.”

Buck chuckles behind him.

“I doubt I’ll sleep that long but, alright.”

Eddie pauses by the foot of the bed to take off his shoes and socks, shucking his jeans immediately after.

The comforters are drawn down for him to get in and while Buck eyes drop from his boxers to his face and back he doesn’t say anything about the half erection Eddie’s still sporting.

Still naked, Buck climbs into bed.

Eddie thinks about his dick for about two seconds before sighing and giving up on it.

Sleep wins this time.

He joins Buck in bed, smiling softly as Buck wraps around him like a koala.

Eddie’s guards come down one by one as he relaxes further into the bed.

“Love you,” Eddie mumbles, letting his eyes close.

Buck kisses his jaw.

“I love you, too.”

Eddie gets the feeling they’re both thinking about the same things as he drifts off.

The possibilities in front of them seem endless and Eddie knows he’s ready for them.

But, that’s for later. Now, he’s got the man he loves in his arms and there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

… 


	4. my eyes are closed

It’s not that they don’t have bad calls. Obviously – they do. It’s part of their job.

But sometimes, those bad calls are unbearable.

Even if Eddie hadn’t been on the call he could have taken one look at Buck, fresh out of the shower back at the station, and he would have known that this was one of those calls.

It’s never easy to lose a child. No matter how many people you lose – how much death you see; it doesn’t get any easier.

“Hey,” Eddie says softly.

He wants to reach out but he’s not sure they both won’t shatter if he does.

Buck leans closer slightly, though Eddie’s reasonably sure no one is close enough to hear them.

“Can we get a sitter for Chris tonight?”

Eddie hesitates, trying not to frown.

“Do we need one?”

Buck nods once, sharp.

“I need _you_.”

There’s absolutely no mistaking the urgency in his voice.

Eddie finds himself standing a bit straighter, tempted to cross his arms over his chest.

“Buck, that’s not a good idea.”

“Eddie…please.”

“Neither of us is in the right place for it. Absolutely not.”

“Eddie,” Buck repeats, half desperate. “I had him! I had him and then he was gone, just…gone.”

They’re not talking about the call anymore.

“Evan,” Eddie puts his hands firmly on Buck’s shoulders, “that was not your fault. This call was not your fault. I am not going to punish you for doing the best that you can.”

“I didn’t say I wanted punished,” Buck whispers fiercely, “I just want it to be quiet. I just need you to make it quiet.”

“You say that now but we don’t know what will happen in the scene and I don’t want either of us to have to safeword out.”

Buck seems cowed at the reminder that both of them have safewords for a reason. After another moment he nods.

“Okay,” he agrees.

He gently disentangles himself and turns to walk away.

Something occurs to Eddie so quickly he doesn’t have a chance at stopping the words from flying off his tongue.

“Are you going to call Gabe?”

Buck jerks to a stop. He looks back to Eddie, his face twisted enough to show he’s flummoxed by the question.

“Am I going to _what_?”

He takes half a step back to Eddie, until they’re only inches apart.

“Am I going to cheat on you? Is that seriously what you’re asking me right now?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Eddie tries.

“I’m going to go home to my loft alone, thanks for your concern.” Buck scoffs.

He’s halfway up the steps before he looks back down to Eddie.

“This day wasn’t bad enough?”

But he doesn’t wait for an answer, turning and climbing up the rest of the stairs.

Eddie watches him go, tongue caught between his teeth and hating himself slightly.

It had been a logical conclusion…hadn’t it?

If Eddie wouldn’t or couldn’t give Buck what he felt he needed, wouldn’t it make sense for Buck to go back to Gabe?

Was it cheating?

They’d sort of been this…triangle thing for a while now.

Eddie shakes himself.

He needs to sort this now. He needs to explain to Buck what he was thinking when he said that.

It wasn’t that he thought Buck would cheat and he never meant to accuse him of that.

It was only that…Eddie worries he’s not enough for Buck.

Maybe a better Dom could run a scene with Buck tonight. Hell, Gabe probably could.

But Eddie knows he can’t take that chance.

He just has to explain it to Buck.

Eddie jogs up the stairs, zeroing in on Buck in the kitchen.

He slides his hand across Buck’s lower back, leaning in to him.

“Can we talk, please?”

Buck seems very invested in the yogurt in his hands, his eyes suspiciously shiny.

“Cariño,” Eddie sighs. “Please, come sit with me?”

Buck sniffles quietly. He stabs his spoon down into the yogurt.

“Okay.”

They take up residence on one of the love seats and Eddie’s hand finds its way to the back of Buck’s neck, just resting there.

“I know you would never cheat on me,” Eddie starts out with. “I _know_ that, Evan. I was just scared that you needed something I couldn’t give you.”

“Well, that’s stupid,” Buck says. “I need it _with_ you.” He swallows a spoonful of yogurt before sighing. “You’re probably right anyway. I’m too on edge.”

Eddie barely stops himself from sighing in relief at the words.

“I’m sorry,” he says anyway.

“No, I’m sorry,” Buck counters.

He turns, angling even closer to Eddie and leaning his cheek on Eddie’s shoulder.

“I shouldn’t have implied that today was any easier for you than it was for me.”

“I think it would do us both some good to go home and see Christopher,” Eddie suggests.

“Okay.”

The four letters pull what feels like a twenty pound weight off Eddie’s chest.

He closes his eyes, only sparing half a thought to the yogurt still in Buck’s hands.

If they wake up later to hear Hen and Chim laughing hysterically at strawberry yogurt all over both their laps, well…it’s all in a day’s work.

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to be done with this fic but I guess it's not done with me...I also tried to angst and it worked for 5 seconds
> 
> also the only reason these are separate chapters is bc I wanted 5 chapters total...we'll see if that happens..
> 
> thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading! I'm over at [ rnercutieo ](https://rnercutieo.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to stop by


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